Smoke

Smoke, gracefullly dancin with the air of blue

wanna have a body

am i happy?

at one point the thick white smoke

dancin proudly with the air.

In a few blinks of my eye,

the prestige whiteness

of the smoke which seems

to be representing my idiosyncrasies;

flexible, graceful, fluid, stranger to form vanishes

as it goes farther and farther every second until

the air devours it mercilessly.

I am suddenly thinking of home.

people say that there is no smoke unless there is fire.

I see children with their potent bodies laughing

and playing around clearly not thinking of what perils

might be faced by them.

Could i still last another day?

Could i even have a body of my own?

Could I play and smile genuinely without

having to worry that my next blink would be my last?

I want to have my anatomy through which

I can walk, talk and savor the prestige

and the strength of the white smoke which i hope

will be preserved as how it was in the

understanding memories of those who

chose to enjoy it.

In fire I exist.

Clearance: Burnout!!

That was the last clearance time of academic school year 2009 when i had to face with this realization.Well, all of us have lessons to be learned. some the hard way, some the easy way. One school day morning of march just weeks before my college graduation, I was prepared to do all the school clearance stuff so I dressed up comfortably and when i say comfortably I am referring to jeans and a 100% cotton shirt. Fast forward to when i entered the gates and started to gather for signatures. there were 6 signatories I should hunt before 5 in the afternoon so I began to look for each. While i was a bit feeling success, I learned that in each signatory there were sub-signatories which made me even confused. Time check it was almost 3pm and I even forgot to eat lunch. so anyway to cut the story short, I only had one major signatory gathered; the dean of my college. five more to go and i didnt want to think 5 more days.

Destination

Late afternoon at around 5pm I was having a need for a quick and delightful taste of shawarma or commonly known as "kebab"- in most countries in the world and then head back home. Shawarma is often cooked using beef in a large pita bread, and served with vegetables such as onion and tomatoes. The shawarma sandwich can usually be topped with locally made cheddar cheese for a few Philippine peso. While I was maybe a few meters from the store there was something unusual, I cant smell the Unique Arabian, middle eastern smell of shawarma usually present when I pass by the store before it. when i reached the store I was really disappointed when I saw the store was closed. why the hell was it closed, T'was an obviously healthy Tuesday afternoon.

where was i gonna go then? surely I didn't wanna head back home. So I jumped into the first jeepney I saw without having a destination in mind. then while I was in the jeep I asked myself Where was i going? No really WHERE WAS I GOING? Clearly I didn't know where to go, what i knew at the moment was that definitely I could not go back home this early. Then there it was I had my word of the day Destination bugging me. Then suddenly I had a clearer destination where to stop. I went to the nearest stall that had a payphone and called my best friend Jourdane and asked if he could come and see the newly opened mall. At the same time I sent a text message to earl -my other best friend if he could come with us to see the mall. Not long after the message for earl was sent, Jourdane arrived looking just fine and a little later we were completed and full forced. then we headed as fast as lightning to the mall and couldn't help but admired and stood in awe and with a little disbelief that something like this was happening here in this city down here at the south. We couldn't help but pictured ourselves carrying loads and loads of shopping bags and pretended like Carrie Bradshaw looking impeccably amazing with Chanel fur coats in a turquoise Manolo shopping in Paris...

Just as we were in shock of the not so slow development of this city, I found the perfect time to ask them the questions I had in mind about destination

1)Do you have a destination in life that you yourself set?

"Yes" Jourdane. "Yes" Earl.

2)Does the travel time in going to a destination become longer when you have a clear destination in mind?

"Yes, Because when you have a destination in mind its the agony of waiting that kills you." Jourdane.

"Yes" a reflectively serious and decided answer from earl.

How do we know our destinations? Is it something of our choice? Maybe its a human thing. these are the choices that we humans make. we choose to have a destination as well as we choose not to have a destination in life. For me having a vivid destination does make the travelling time longer than not having a destination at all. But having no destination for me is just like driving on a land with no roads and signs, you don't know when to stop or which way to turn to. Its like stuck in a place like a dessert and its the most miserable thing that could happen to a driver. Certainly in this life we are all drivers of our own cars called life.

Now certainly relieved I have the clearest destination in mind and that is to Drive my car to the fullest and never give up to the stop overs and problems I might face on the road, to my destination.

Flexibility and Elasticity

This day i cant help but hover on the words flexibility and Elasticity? have they helped the world so much? when you are flexible can you fit it different kinds of container or yet can you fit in different worlds?

In my life wherein there is not only a single world to live in, can flexibility be the forever solution to this ever existing problem of fitting in? A bigger question in mind is, Can one be flexible to fit in many or all existing worlds? like rubber bands dont we have elasticity limit?Meanwhile I have just reached my daily sermon limit when my mother bombarded me with advises that I myself can come up with. Now this is the thing, i can do anything for everyone. I can make a person who doesnt even know how to spell happiness laugh, I can help you in your heart problems I can also pull out my bandana and tie on my head like a fortune teller and tell you your inevitable future but the twist here is, dont ever tell me what to do or how to do something when you know that something is as simple as abc. Help me if i say i need you to. Is it hard to understand?No, I dont think so. Maybe i am not that flexible to fit in my parents' or some peoples' needs. when we travel we pack things that we think are necessary or maybe for some people like me a small bundle of unnecessary stuffs in our baggage but if one important thing doesnt fit anymore because every space has been filled with loads and loads of stuffs what do we do? We tend to get another bag and fill it in. until we fill in as many bags as we want. In lifes' case can we do the same? Are we the modern day travellers?

The virtue of Waiting...

Among all the virtues i dont have.. Waiting is what i hated most of not having. Everything I like that i dont get, I get frustrated and i tend to become so impulsively indecisive and end up hating myself more.


Is the same true when it comes to love? Is it really important to have the virtue of waiting? what if one in a relationship cannot wait? or what if one has had so much of such virtue? when it comes to relationship how long do we have to practice this virtue?? Ive yet to answer these questions... the moment i bump unto the answers for these questions I'll blog it up right away..

Im back

I say hello to everyone one more time...I am so back!!! now we can share blogs all day. ill just end here for now.. i only have 2 more minutes to wrap this up. So bye.....